There are times I think I suck as a parent. I want my children to have a patient, understanding, positive role model as a mother. Unfortunately, when I lie my head on my pillow at night and review the days events I usually come up short.
I remember the moments where Logan’s whining sounded like nails on a chalkboard and instead of walking out of the room, I yelled at him. I remember Kora calling me a bad mother because I turned off the kids’ CD in the car when we were a block away from the house. I remember Logan darting across a parking lot in his excitement to get to a park, when I took my eyes off him for 30 seconds. I remember these moments along with many more and my heart lurches. Who allowed me to become a mother?
Then I remember Kristi Yamaguichi.
At the gym a while back, I was watching a tv interview with Scott Hamilton. He discussed all the obstacles in his life, how he overcame them, and how he didn’t let them bring him down. He was very motivational.
He also told a wonderful story about Kristi Yamaguchi that really hit home for me. In one of her biggest performances, Kristi had an extremely difficult jump to land in the first part of the routine. It was a jump she practiced so often she could do it in her sleep. She began her routine, performed the jump, and fell.
Everyone was aghast. Scott said Kristi made a face that read, “Hmm. That was weird.” He even saw her shrug. She got up, moved on from the error, and continued her performance to finish successfully, some even said phenomenally.
When asked later about the jump Kristi said she gave it her best, but falls happen. She said she didn’t give the error a second thought throughout the rest of the routine. She moved on, concerning herself only with the upcoming moves. The fall had already happened and she couldn’t do anything about it, so why worry about it and let it affect the rest of her performance?
This impacted me greatly. I often find myself dwelling on situations I could have handled differently. I beat myself up over how I acted when Logan refused to eat his dinner or when Kora cried because we weren’t going to the library for the 5th time in a week. I used to think beating myself up equaled learning. When, in essence, it’s simply making me feel terrible, grumpy, and more prone to yelling. I now realize I cannot go back in time and change what has happened. I can only take a moment to learn from it, recognize that I did my best at the time, and move forward.
With this new wisdom, I hope to sleep easier at night and be a more peaceful parent. If I make a mistake and fall into my old ways, I’ll recognize the error, but focus on the future. You just never know where you’ll find parenting advice. So today I say, thank you to Scott Hamilton and Kristi Yamaguchi.
Sometimes I feel the same way. But, we’re human. It’s great finding inspiration all around us. That was well said.
Whaat a nice way to think about things! I’m going to pass this on to my daughter as well-wonderful advice for any athlete.
It’s like you’ve read my mind! I had this exact epiphany not a week ago. My past mistakes need to be exactly that: in the past, mistakes. I feel that in making and working through my mistakes, I grow and evolve; not only as a mother, but as a woman. Your post put into words a feeling that all mothers have, and the skating analogy was quite good. Awesome post.
Great post! We can’t always be perfect. I forget this all the time. But I do try to not beat myself up over mistakes and just move forward.
Thank you, Tesa. I’ve had a rough week as a Mommy and I needed to read this. This is why I blog because there is always someone out there who can teach me, share my experience, and help me grow. Your words were as meaningful to me as Scott Hamilton’s were to you. Thank you.
:-)
Traci
I learned this lesson before becoming a mother. I learned from athletes as well. It is a lesson we should all remember.
Tesa, this is such an awesome post!! And such a good reminder. I struggle with the same thing…yelling at the kids when I could’ve tried to be more patient, laughing with them when they did something silly instead of getting upset because they were fooling around. I lay in bed at night too wishing I could’ve done it differently.
Kristi’s message is a good one! No sense in struggling with things we can’t change. Funny thing is that our kids are very resilient and they probably won’t remember half of the things we feel badly about. They will grow up knowing they were loved and that we are people who make mistakes too.
I feel the same way, Tesa. Thank you so much for sharing this.
I enjoyed your post. I used to be like that, but then I realized I will never be a perfect mom and I need to cut myself some slack. I am “perfect mom” in my kids eyes when they’re not mad at me for something silly and that’s good enough for me.
wow great read…really made me think!
Love it! I find myself doing a lot of shrugging (like when my son runs directly into the table at our music class and all of the other mothers cringe…shrug). You can’t dwell…we’d all be crazy if we did that! So, while Scott freaks me out a little bit (don’t know why), I’ll think of Kristi the next time I screw up!!!
It is really difficult to not dwell on what we did wrong. Don’t you think that was some of your problem when you played volleyball? That is why you found it so stressful.
So interesting. Thanks for sharing the story.
I have had days when I felt I didn’t feel like I parented well but there is always the next day to improve. I try not to beat myself up and just move on. It’s less stressful and I am calmer for it.
oh wow, I am so glad you brought this post to my attention Tesa, I really needed to read it. Today and yesterday were both “one of those days.” Cat pee on the carpet that smells up the whole house, paint on the couch, cookies for breakfast, milk all over the floor……things just won’t go right!
But you shrug, keep moving forward and get better! Thank you, this was a very encouraging post.
what an unbelievable lesson, thank you so much for sharing. I try teaching my children not to dwell on the past but prevent mistakes in the future, maybe I should do that myself first