I recently read the book Just Conflict: Transformation Through Resolution
Just Conflict describes ten disciplines to practice in your journey toward becoming a master at conflict resolution. My favorite of these was the Bothers Me Log. It is so simple and easy to do, I’m slightly embarrassed I had to read a book to tell me how to change a major aspect of my life. With a Bothers Me Log you write down everything that bothers you, from the small to the big.
One example used in the book is a secretary who noticedthat a crooked picture in the office hallway popped up in her Bothers Me Log three days in a row. Once she realized it was annoying her so much she got up and fixed it.
The same day that I read this section of the book I found it applicable that evening. At dinner, I was eating a sub sandwich that had come with slices of ham I didn’t like very much. I was tired and rather than taking the ham out (and giving it to Tired Dad Dave, who loves ham) I just sighed and kept on eating. Than I remembered the Bothers Me Log and took three seconds to take out the ham. It made the sandwich dramatically better and Tired Dad Dave was happy too.
Why I was going to eat a sandwich with a meat I didn’t like, when I could have just taken it off baffles me, but a light went on. I realized I do this a lot – let a lot of little things that really bother me go, thinking I’m brushing them off. In fact, they start to build and build until I blow up about something else entirely. I’ve started to take note of the little things and take the time to change them and have noticed a reduction in my anxiety level which means I’m less angry.
While Just Conflict is targeted toward mental health practitioners and other professionals who deal with conflict in their professional lives it is also a valuable resource for anyone who wants to learn about conflict resolution. I found there were sections of the book that drifted toward the technical, however the examples provided were helpful in painting pictures and I could see some of the situations taking place in my daily life.
I learned a lot from this book and feel I’m on the road to better conflict resolution although, as Dr. Robinson says, it will take lots of “practice, practice, practice.”
You can learn more about the book through the in-depth website and you can read other reviews at Amazon
Thank you to Epigraph and Monk Fish Publishing for providing the book for review. No compensation was provided for this review.
Good review. I think it’s important that we model for our children the behaviors we want them to copy. Our words tell them only so much; it’s when we act in a certain way as in resolving conflict that they learn to do the same.
This is so urgently needed for us as parents.
Maybe this would work for me. A reason there is silence in my house right now between the hubs and I is because I don’t know how to handle conflict. I flip out sideways!